My Breast Cancer Journey Through the Lens | Orlando Boudoir Photography
If you’re reading this, I want to thank you in advance for taking the time. It’s a personal story that I want to share, because I think talking about breast cancer is incredibly important. The earlier it’s caught, the better the treatment. The more you advocate for yourself, the better off you’ll be.
With that…
The story behind my own boudoir session, and what it meant to step in front of the camera during my breast cancer journey.
In July 2023 at 37 years old, I went to my OB about a lump I felt. He dismissed me…immediately. He told me it’s a cyst, and that women…get this…”shouldn’t do their own self-checks, because it causes more anxiety.” Yes, you may GASP at that.
When I asked for scans, he refused to write “stat” on the order, saying “this isn’t medically necessary.” Mind you, I had been going to my OB for 8 years. He delivered my 2 babies. And here I was, having to advocate for myself for something MAJOR.
When I went in for my scans, I heard the words no one ever wants to hear: "This looks very serious." I had tunnel vision. As in…legitimate tunnel vision. I remember my sight going black, feeling my head spin, and not comprehending the words I was just told.
What initially started as a DCIS diagnosis turned into a diagnosis of invasive breast cancer, and suddenly, my world looked very different. Stage 2.
A double mastectomy. Four rounds of AC chemotherapy. Twelve weeks of Taxol. Radiation. Ongoing medications. Multiple reconstruction surgeries (which is still a work in progress).
My calendar went from being a happy-go-lucky wife and mom, running a business, photographing women, and doing all the normal life things, to being filled with doctor's appointments, treatments, and more medical terminology than I ever wanted to learn. It went from never being on medications or having surgery, to being forced into early menopause so that estrogen doesn’t course through my body.
And with all of this…my body changed. I changed. 3 years later, I’m still working on discovering who I am now. My husband says I’m “Sivan 2.0,” and honestly, I love that.
The woman on the other side of chemo
In March of 2024, I finished chemotherapy.
And I decided to do something that probably wouldn't surprise anyone who knows what I do for a living.
I had my own boudoir photos taken. I’m grateful that right before my surgery, my team photographed me with my long hair, my natural breasts, and just…me….being me. But I wanted to capture the journey as it was happening in real time, too.
I've spent over a decade photographing women and reminding them that they don't need to lose weight, look a certain way, or reach some imaginary milestone to deserve beautiful photos of themselves. I tell women to embrace their scars…yet, I didn’t have any of my own to embrace until 2023.
But now it was my turn to be on the other side of the camera.
My body had been through a double mastectomy, months of chemotherapy, and more than I could have ever imagined. It looked different. It felt different. And I was still getting to know this version of myself.
I didn't want to wait until my hair grew back, until my body felt more familiar, or until I reached some magical point where everything was back to "normal."
Because what even IS normal after cancer?
I wanted to document this version of me. Right here. Right now.
The woman who had just finished chemo.
The woman who was still very much in the middle of her breast cancer journey.
The woman who was still ME. Sivan 2.0.
Click images to enlarge.
These images were taken after chemo ended, while I still had tissue expanders in.
These photos mean more to me than I can explain.
When I look at these photos, I see so much more than “pictures.”
I see a moment in my life that I simultaneously want to forget and remember. Let’s be honest…you can’t forget something like this. But you can recover, you can heal, and you can find the new you.
I see a body that has changed, but is still mine.
And I see the woman I've always been, even if she looks a little different than she did before.
I didn't need to look like my pre-cancer self to deserve these photos.
And that's something I hope every woman who walks through our studio doors understands, regardless of what her body has been through.
